you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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