I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
