I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize