You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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