i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
