I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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