remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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