I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
