I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
