Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
