kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
