I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
