that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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