dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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