I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
