yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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