Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
