Got a toothbrush?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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