Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
