Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are we still banned from the library?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize