I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
