wanna go halves on a baby?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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