I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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