Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
