so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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