The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
