The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
