I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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