Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
