Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
