dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
