I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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