dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
