i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
