found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
