and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
