I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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