My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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