My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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