Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
