I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
