I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
