oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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