im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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