Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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