Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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