just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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