no, he came in my armpit
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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