he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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