I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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