I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone signed my nipple.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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