During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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