she was so not down for the gang bang
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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