and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
