ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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