i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
