I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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