Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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