mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
