kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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