Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
