I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
