You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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